Ricky was the first boy who ever French kissed me. We were at the Rosemoreland movie theaters and I was 12 years old. In the middle of the movie he put his arm around me and quickly leaned over and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I pulled back, horrified, slapped him across the face and stormed out of the theater. It was the next day when upon retelling this story to my friend Renee I was informed that what Ricky had done was perfectly normal in the world of kissing. I was still grossed out.

The first time I ever drove a car I was 13 years old. My mother took extremely long showers and I snuck the car keys out of her purse and drove her Ford Fairmont around the block. I continued doing this every time she took a shower until I got my learners permit. I don’t think she ever found out.

The first foreign country I ever visited was Haiti. My dad thought it would be an ideal vacation spot. My mom got malaria.

My first performance was in the title character of Mrs. Puddleduck’s Revenge. Looking back I can see she was a spiteful old duck who clearly had parenting issues.

My first serious boyfriend got me a Cabbage Kid for Christmas. He created this whole elaborate adoption ceremony culminating in the signing of the adoption papers. I broke up with him the next day.