Thursday, January 8, 2009

For me the ship is a hot bed of people watching opportunities. On a daily basis my mouth drops, I belly laugh, or I experience a full body cringe over what I see, hear and sometimes smell coming from passengers. One of my favorite places to people watch is the ship’s gym. Today was a perfect example.

First, the setup: My go to cardio machine is the PreCore 100i. I had never seen one before coming on the Gem and this ship only has one. It’s a cross between a Gazelle: that piece of cardio equipment hawked by that creepy guy with a ponytail on late night commercials, a bicycle and a stairmaster. It’s almost never in use because it’s also the only cardio machine in the gym without a tv monitor. It’s also in prime viewing area sitting in the back wall, center of the gym

From my vantage point I can see the woman on the treadmill with the worst hairstyle I’ve ever seen. It looks like she couldn’t make up her mind what she wanted so she asked her stylist to stop mid cut. The top 2/3 of her hair which is dyed a brassy shade of blonde is a blunt cut chin length bob, and then in the back there is another layer of hair underneath that is almost a foot longer and in her natural dark brown shade. I have never seen this style before and hope to god she’s not from the future.

I can also see the namaste man. I gave him that name of Rance and I saw him bowing to one of the Phillipino workers in the garden café with his hands in the prayer positions. His skin is that creepy white pallor that matches his white t-shirt and white workout pants. The only color on this man is the orange died hair/transplate/wig thing on the top of his head.

One of my favorite people just wheeled into the gym. Rance named her “Speedy Marie” as she buzzed passed us on the Antigua dock on her three wheeled Rascal earlier in the day. She had spent her time on land getting her entire head braided. Speedy doesn’t have the thickest of hair, but what she does have is now done up in short little blue beaded braids. Which matches the blue muu-muu she’s wearing. She’s parked her rascal right outside the aerobics room and is just sitting there watching the yoga class. I like to think that she’s dreaming about when she was young and looked like Bo Derek and could do downward facing dog, that my friends, was a very long time ago.

Rance got to the gym about an hour before I did, so before leaving he comes by while I am huffing and puffing away to give me a kiss. And I have to give him credit he’s the one who spots her first.

She has come in with her husband, or lover, or male gigolo. She’s wearing short, shorts, a jean jacket, gold lame “track” shoes, and she’s carrying a gold clutch. She looks to be about 45 and she has the same hairdo I had as a senior in HS. She definitely looks like she has a couple of kids who play soccer back home in Jersey. He’s wearing shorts, a golf shirt and boat shoes circa 1985. Clearly they want to get a workout in before dinner. Unfortunately, no two treadmills available next to each other. Their only option is to work out three treadmills apart. And that’s when the fun begins. Joe Boat Shoes, knows his way around a treadmill and he starts off running at a good clip, making a huge racket as his plastic soled shoes slap down on the machine. Jersey mom is on her treadmill and has found the quick start button which starts off at a clip of 1 mph and she starts running. RUNNING!! There is a huge button that allows you to speed up the pace because let’s face it, it’s nearly impossible to walk at 1 mph but to run at that pace, ridiculous. It might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. I see her lifting her feet up and down and then look over at her man and smile and give him the thumbs up. She’s doing it!! Eventually she gets her speed all the way up to 2 mph and she’s working hard enough to take her jean jacket and gold clutch off her shoulder. After 12 minutes she stops and her man helps her off the machine. She’s completely out of breath. My favorite moment comes as she goes into the weigh room, puts her jean jacket back on and flexes her legs in the mirror. Way to go Mama Jersey.